Funny stories

**colinf** · 14-08-2010, 07:36

I have had a few laughs when on my hols. And wondered if anyone else had any...
Right picture this, We are in the villa, my wife in doing a washing, kids running around, sister floating about the kitchen complaining me and my brother in-law hadn't cleaned the oven, after cooking breakfast, so there was a bit smoke coming out the oven.
So I say to my brother in-law lets go to Wal-Mart.
So we go out to the car.
But instead of driving away, I have placed a walkie talkie next to the oven behind the bread bin, and we're sitting in the car looking into the kitchen.
And in the best American voice I can say.
This in the fire chef please vacate the building women and children first. Please vacate the building.
I see my sister looking then shouting at the oven. No No it's ok, it's just a wee bit smoke. She then runs to my wife and they both come into the kitchen and start talking to the oven saying its ok.
I then say, you now have 30 seconds to vacate the villa then foam will start coming out the walls till we arrive.
The next thing they all come running out the house, screaming to us that the fire engines are on their way, now they are both nurses so they have a wee bit brains.lol. my brother inlaw,trying to keep his laugh in asks my sister who told her that, she turns round to him and says. The oven stupid.
We then couldn't hold our laugh in, what you are laughing at, she shouted. You’ll not be laughing when they come and we tell them it's your fault.
They didn’t think we were funny neither did the kids at first, and asking the oven how long it was going to be with the pizzas every other day didn’t help.
Jeez it was ages before they forgave us for that one.

**caroline** · 14-08-2010, 13:21

Fantastic!

**jimiansville** · 15-08-2010, 03:10

I love it!!!

**ukman** · 16-08-2010, 19:32

Good One

**SDJ** · 16-08-2010, 21:17

Absolutely brilliant. You could not even make that one up[clap][clap]

Sandra

**woldm1** · 17-08-2010, 12:51

Very funny. I would be killed for doing that with my wife though!!!

**colinf** · 17-08-2010, 14:18

This one is a bit cruel but I nearly wet myself.
My sister and her man has two kids her son 5 her girl 7 (who is fine.)
So I suggested we take the buggies (strollers) so they could have a seat now and then.
My sister is usually Not aggressive hardly ever gets angry, so laid back she should be vertical but with the heat and we had arrived late the night before. And were walking all day.
We were at Disney all day then realized the night parade was on.
So we found a space eventually and stood there waiting on it starting, putting the buggies at the front, with my sisters two in them. This woman and her man squeezed in, then SHE started tuting and saying out loud, that the strollers were hitting her ancles.My sister was getting fed up with her, and after a while said "Look they are No were near you. You squeezed in so if you’re not happy move." Well me and my brother in-law done the manly thing and moved back out the way..lol.
Then just as the parade was about to start the woman shouted over one of the workers, and an argument started. So me and the brother in-law moved even further..It ended with the woman threatening to sue Disney and my wife and sister being told to move. As they were going the woman turned round and smirked. My sister exploded.
You F@@@@ ***** how dare you smirk at my child, she is ill and this is the last time she might see Disney I hope you are ****** happy with yourself. **** *** and a few words I hadn't heard before and I'm 45. Well as we were going my sisters daughter was crying, what’s wrong with you my sister snapped it's not our fault.
It’s not that she cried. I didn't even know I was even ill mummy.
You’re no bl**dy ill what are you talking about and she stormed off.
I had to hide with my brother in-law in a shop door. Near wet myself the poor kid. I had to pick her up and give her a cuddle and got her a wee toy..
.
Anyone else got any funny stories?

**redsandy** · 17-08-2010, 15:11

Last year our family of eleven stayed at a villa on windsor hills. One evening we had stayed in, ordered pizza and drank a few vodkas. After we had our feed we put the pizza boxes in a binbag and took the bag outside to the rubbish trunk type thing at the front of the villa for the refuse collection in the morning.It came to bedtime and the girls decided to tidy up once more as we had had some snacks and the bottles need to go the the bin. Once again the binbag came out (my wife loves binbags) and was filled with rubbish and my wife went outside to put it in the trunk. She came back moments later looking ashen and rambling on that the trunk was moving and that something was inside it trying to get out..........Cue the men storming outside to 'sort it out'
when we got outside the trunk was indeed moving. The lid was lifting about 2 inches high and banging back down again with further banging on the sides. Well in our tipsy state we started to imagine alsorts of weird and scary reasons what was causing the occurance ......the men decided that it would be best left til the morning but my brothers wife had other ideas. She went back inside and came out with a broom and a shoe. She wanted one of the menfolk to lift the lid and she would attack the monster lurking in the trunk with the said items. The men, who were going to sort it out, quickly took a step backwards and muttered that she was clearly mad. So she said she would do it on her own. Now the trunk had been banging all this time which was only a minute or so and the terror was building in all of our minds. So in went Tracey armed with her broom and shoe, she lifted the lid of the trunk with the broom and there staring at her was a raccoon who had ripped the previous binbag open and was eating the leftover contents of the pizza boxes. No sooner had the lid been open the raccoon shot out the trunk and ran across the garden. This happened in the blink of an eye and with tracey's screaming, panick ensued and everyone tried to enter the villa at the same time squashing ourselves in the doorway. The neighbours must have thought we were all bonkers screaming at around 12 at night. In the morning when sober we laughed at how dafted we had been.