Heavenly Father look down on us, your humble obedient servants, who are doomed to travel this earth taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs and walking around in clothes we would not wear at home.
Dear Lord, make sure while preparing for this trip that we pack half as many clothes as we may need and take twice as much money.
We beseech thee o Lord to see that our plane is not delayed, our luggage arrives at the same destination as us, and that our overweight baggage goes unnoticed. We also beseech you to not let the loony sit next to us on the plane or the bus.
Give us your divine guidance in our selection of hotels. We pray that the phone works and that the operators speak our tongue; that there is no mail waiting for us from our children hinting at the loss of our house, business or car; or congratulating us on our new status as in-laws, grandparents or bankrupts.
Lead us not into tourist traps, but deliver us into good inexpensive restaurants where the wine is not water and the water is drinkable. Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand. Make the natives love us for what we are and not for what we can contribute to their worldly goods.
Grant us the strength to visit the museums, Cathedrals and the Palaces and if we skip any historic monument to take a nap after lunch, have mercy on us for our flesh is weak. Dear God, protect our wives from “bargains” they don’t need or can’t afford. Lead them not into temptation for they know not what they do.
Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves in nightclubs. Above all else, please do not forgive them their trespasses, for they know exactly what they do!
And when our voyage is over, grant us the favour of finding someone who will look at our home videos and listen to our stories, so that our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.
This we ask you in the name of Conrad Hilton, Thomas Cook and American Express.
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