True telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K.
> > Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have ?
> > Customer: A white one...
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
> > Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?
> > Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
> > Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
> > Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still
> on
> > my desk... sorry
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
> > Customer: Your left or my left ?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?
> > Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
> > Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
> > Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill
> > Gates damn it !
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says
> > 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front
> of
> > the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Customer: I have problems printing in red...
> > Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?
> > Customer: No.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?
> > Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
> > Customer: It's not working.
> > Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?
> > Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
> > Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?
> > Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
> > Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
> > Customer: OK
> > Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?
> > Customer: Yes
> > Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
> > keyboard ?
> > Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work !
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
> letter
> > V as in Victor, the number 7.
> > Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > A customer couldn't get on the internet.
> > Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?
> > Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
> > Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?
> > Customer: Five stars.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?
> > Customer: Netscape.
> > Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
> > Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my
> > computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?
> > Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you
> please
> > tell me how long it will take before you can help me ?
> > Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?
> > Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4
> > hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Helpdesk: How may I help you ?
> > Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
> >
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That brings back some memories of being an Information Manager when PCs were first issued to everyone!
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