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Thread: Children! (funnies)

  1. #1
    Gold 5 Star Member fiona's Avatar
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    Children! (funnies)

    GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS - GRANDCHILDREN)
    To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our
    own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"



    Don't what?" Adam replied.
    Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
    Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
    No Way!"
    Yes way!"
    Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
    Why"
    Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why he hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

    "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
    Uh huh," Adam replied.
    Then why did you?" said the Father.
    I don't know," said Eve.
    She started it!" Adam said
    Did not!"
    Did too!"

    DID NOT!"


    Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam
    and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set
    and it has never changed.

    BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,
    don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes think it would be a piece of cake for you?

    THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
    1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
    2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
    3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
    4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
    5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
    6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


    ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

    AND FINALLY:
    IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
    " TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

    [msnsmile2][msnwink][msnsmile2][msnwink][msnsmile2][msnwink][msnsmile2][msnwink][msnsmile2]

    Fiona


  2. #2
    Super Moderator caroline's Avatar
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    Brilliant!

    Caroline & Dave



  3. #3
    Gold 5 Star Member
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    Brilliant Fiona, very funny![msnsmile2][msnsmile2][msnsmile2]
    Sarah


  4. #4
    Gold 5 Star Member LiesaAnna's Avatar
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    Fiona!
    i thank you! i like the one about advise for being nice to your kids they will choose your nursing home!

    mine are constantly quoting little Britain! "put you in a home mum yes home!!!!"

    mine have been told already! got to go with me mates!
    Liesa


  5. #5
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    That's great!
    blott


  6. #6
    Gold 5 Star Member Cruella DeVilla's Avatar
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    Oh I can't wait to have kids!
    CDV


  7. #7
    Florida Expert
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    After the day I've had with my two little monsters, it has brought a smile to my face. Thankyou


  8. #8
    Florida Expert
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    Brilliant,
    I liked the bit about grandchildren being gods reward for not killing your own,looking after my grandson for three days a week i wonder what i should do eat ,kill or keep away.Love him to bits really
    Sheena [msnsmile2][msnwink][msnwink]
    www.orlandovillas.com/villas/40.aspx


  9. #9
    Gold 5 Star Member E. Cosgrove's Avatar
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    Oh Fiona so true!!!!![msnwink]


    Liz


  10. #10
    Florida Chatterbox
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    thanks Fiona

    Ditto what has been said.

    If I come out with something deemed stupid or embarresing to my eldest he quotes the Peter Kay line " If it's not one things it's your mother"


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