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Thread: Disorder in the American Courts!!

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  1. #1
    Gold 5 Star Member
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    Worthing, West Sussex
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    Disorder in the American Courts!!

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
    things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
    published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
    these exchanges were actually taking place.

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    **************************************

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    **************************************

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q:And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    *************************************

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A:Forty-five years.
    *************************************

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
    morning?
    A: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A:My name is Susan.
    **************************************

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ***********************************

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    *************************************

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    **************************************

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time? **************************************

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    **************************************

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated? **************************************

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    **************************************

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
    which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. **************************************

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    **************************************

    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    **************************************

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No,he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    **************************************

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    **************************************

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

    Christine


  2. #2
    Florida Expert
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    thanks Christine[msnsmile2][msnsmile2][msnsmile2]
    benfilo


  3. #3
    Florida Expert
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    I thought these were great.
    My daughter and I could not stop laughing, I had tears rolling down may face.


  4. #4
    Site Owner and Admin floridadreamvilla.co.uk's Avatar
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    I really enjoyed these too


  5. #5
    Gold 5 Star Member LiesaAnna's Avatar
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    very funny!!!! laughed alot!
    Liesa


  6. #6
    Florida Chatterbox
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    Brilliant. Thanks for that - I needed some light relief from all the Christmas preparations [laugh][laugh][laugh]


  7. #7
    Gold 5 Star Member jolliffee's Avatar
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    They are very good, needed that laf![msnsmile2]
    Dave [msnsmile2]



  8. #8
    Florida Savvy
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    Excellent, Where did you get the book, might have to get it!!!!!!!!

    Kerry-Ann[msnsmile2]


  9. #9
    Gold 5 Star Member Cruella DeVilla's Avatar
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    <blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by chris c
    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
    things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
    published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
    these exchanges were actually taking place.

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    **************************************

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    **************************************

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q:And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    *************************************

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A:Forty-five years.
    *************************************

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
    morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A:My name is Susan.
    **************************************

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ***********************************

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    *************************************

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    **************************************

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time? **************************************

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    **************************************

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated? **************************************

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    **************************************

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
    which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. **************************************

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    **************************************

    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    **************************************

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No,he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    **************************************

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    **************************************

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


    [/quote]

    Just caught up with this one, I have seen it before but it stil makes me laugh!
    CDV


  10. #10
    Gold 5 Star Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    4,015
    Brilliant! I liked the two autopsy ones best.

    If British courts are better, you should listen to Ambulance Control. They insist on asking questions mentioned in their protocol even if common sense dictates otherwise. Thus, questions like "Is the patient answering all your questions coherently?" when I have just rang 999 for a collapsed, unconcious man, are all too common.
    Nostromo


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