And a little light entertainment for those of us chasing our tails at this time of the year:
Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can Hoe, Hoe, Hoe.
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
Doctor, Doctor, I'm scared of Father Christmas. Don't worry, you're just suffering from CLAUStrophobia.
Christmas, the time when everyone gets Santamental.
Fiona
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ?
Santa Clues !
Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck !
What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?
Freeze a jolly good fellow !
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?
Santapplause !
Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?
Santa Jaws !
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe !
Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?
Because they both have "Sandy claws" !
What does Father Christmas call his money ?
Iced lolly ?
What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ?
Santa pause !
Fiona
This is not a joke, but it's a funny conversation I overheard yesterday while waiting in line at the post office:
Woman to Clerk: What kind of Christmas stamps do you have?
Clerk: The only kind we have right now are the "Madonna" ones
Woman: How'd that slut get on a Christmas stamp?
Clerk: Uhhh Mam, I don't think we're talking about the same person here
What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
Mule-tide greetings.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !
How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !
What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !
Who delivers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !
Who delivers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !
How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !
Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because he's Sooty !
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?
This one will sleigh you !
Fiona
Father Christmas took his sleigh driving test. A pixie asked if he had passed? "Of course", said Father Christmas pointing to the front of his sleigh, "look NO EL plates".
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Fiona
Brilliant Fiona - keep them coming.
You must be getting through a lot of packs of Christmas crackers to get all those jokes.
Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?
Because they are both tail bearers !
Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs !
Why did the reindeer wear black boots ?
Because his brown ones were all muddy !
How long should a reindeer's legs be ?
Just long enough to reach the ground !
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach ?
Because he didn't want to be recognised !
Which reindeer have the shortest legs ?
The smallest ones !
Where do you find reindeer ?
It depends on where you leave them !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who ?
Wenceslas train home ?
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Snow
Snow who ?
Snow business like show business !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wayne
Wayne who ?
Wayne in a manger... !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Donut
Donut who ?
Donut open till Christmas !
Fiona
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