Womanhood!!

[fiona]

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
Isn't that the TRUTH!!!

<span style=&#39;color:green&#39;>One of life&#39;s mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.</span id=&#39;green&#39;>

My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.

<span style=&#39;color:blue&#39;>The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear really tight shoes. </span id=&#39;blue&#39;>

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don&#39;t know what you&#39;re doing, someone else does.

<span style=&#39;color:red&#39;>The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends. </span id=&#39;red&#39;>

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

<span style=&#39;color:red&#39;>Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.</span id=&#39;red&#39;>

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

<span style=&#39;color:red&#39;>Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!</span id=&#39;red&#39;>

<span style=&#39;color:limegreen&#39;>Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, &#39;You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.&#39; Now I&#39;ve forgotten my address, my mother&#39;s maiden name, and my keys. But I&#39;ve
never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.</span id=&#39;limegreen&#39;>

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn&#39;t really care.

<span style=&#39;color:green&#39;>The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him. </span id=&#39;green&#39;>

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

<span style=&#39;color:red&#39;>I know what Victoria&#39;s Secret is. The secret is that
nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff. </span id=&#39;red&#39;>

OK girls, now how many of these are true!

[Kissyme]

I`m with you Fiona all the above apply, apart from the husband bit.
Yesterday went all the way to B&Q to replace a bulb for the fibre optic snowman, got to said shop mangaged to find someone to help me locate the bulbs put hand in pocket to check the voltage.........left bulb at home !!! but did have and mint with fluff on it. Senior male assistant looked at me sideways and said "It`s alright dear I`ve got one at home like you".

[CERICROWLEY]

Hi Fiona

Now I have picked myself up off floor from laughing SO MUCH!! I am going to print this out and take it with me to all the places I visit for work, and indulge in a couple of chocies and a cup of tea and share them with all ladies and hopefully laugh allday, so the excess weight I need to lose just falls off with giggles. easy.

Keep them coming I have got a LOT to lose before xmas.

[MaggieAllan]

Great stuff Fiona...keep em coming[clap][clap][clap]

[CarolAnn]

Eeeeeerrrrrr!!! All of em true Fiona!!![^]

[Ray&Sarah]

Great Fiona and all so true.[msnsmile2]

[E. Cosgrove]

Great Fiona, no wonder you manage to keep so cheerful, they gave me a good giggle[laugh][laugh][laugh]

[Fletch]

Fantastic Fiona - with your sense of humour and outlook on life, you'll overcome your current health problem with ease.

[Dorothy]

I know this isn't strictly about womanhood but some of these will amuse those of us over a certain age!
People over 35 should be dead ...here's why

Our baby cribs were covered with bright coloured lead based paint

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets..didn't wear helmets when we rode our bikes.

Think about those risks when we hitchhiked

We rode in cars we no seat belts or air bags

We drank water from the garden hose not from a bottle

We shared one soft drink with four friends from one bottle

We spent hours building go carts out of old prams... no brakes but after a few bush stops we learnt how to stop!

We would leave home in the morning, play all day... no one could reach us mobile phones??

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls we walked to friends knocked on the door and just walked in.

Those days of innocence are long gone. If my child (youngest 16) has been out without contact for too long I'm on the phone I am sure I am not the only one

Dorothy

[KJH]

Dorothy you are quite right, my phone bill has escalated since the girls go out in the evenings, even if Alfie is fishing I'm always checking he's OK.

Kaz