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Letter to the bank
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year
old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored
to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and
letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
person
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer
be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
#1. To make an appointment to see me #2. To query a missing payment. #
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. # 4. To
transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. # 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. # 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier. # 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. # 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on! hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)
'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE 'US SENIORS' !!!!!
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No, I am not 86 yes old but.....
This has really inspired me to write to my bank. Maybe this will stop them messing me around !
Linda
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Very funny, with a serious point indeed.
I had a call from my telephone provider recently where the caller asked me to prove my identity.
THEY CALLED ME!!!!!
I did so then asked the caller to identify herself which she said she could not do so I politely put the phone down on her.
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I love it when someone gets one up on the establishment;)
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That is just so true ! I recently went into a well know store to buy a dishwasher cash, when I went to hand over the cash they asked for my name , address, post code, telephone number etc etc etc I asked why they needed all that information when all I wanted to do was hand over the cash, didn't make any sense to me !!!!
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It's free market research Jean, we never give any informaiton out, when they say in the stores "can we have your zip/telephone number" they get one word: "no" with a smile, and they get the message.
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Well as a Bank Mnager - the customer isn't always right!!
True story:
Many years ago, another elderly lady, a customer of our bank, enquired as to her balance of her account. I told her the figure and she said it was wrong. I went through the recent transactions with her - and she began to get very irritated, insisting I must tell her the accurate balance.
'I wrote a large cheque last week' she said, 'I want you to tell me the balance after that has gone out'
'OK' I replied, trying to be helpful 'It hasn't been presented yet, but, how much was it for and I'll tell you how much will be left in your account'
'For goodness sake' she replied 'I can't remember but just tell me how much will be left after it has gone out - you must know as it was one of the cheques from the cheque book you gave me' !!!!
Carole
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<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:I had a call from my telephone provider recently where the caller asked me to prove my identity.
THEY CALLED ME!!!!!
I did so then asked the caller to identify herself which she said she could not do so I politely put the phone down on her.[/quote]
Gosh - NEVER EVER give out information to anyone who calls you.
I overheard my husband doing it recently and went mad! It could be anyone purporting to be a bona fide caller but who is trying to defraud you.
Working for a bank I am so hot on this. Thankfully most of us never get touched by fraud - but if it does happen it is unpleasant. Don't give out any inforamtion as ths could be collated by a bogus caller to build up information which will later be used to defraud you. If they called you - then you need to know who THEY are, not the other way round!
Carole
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Absolutely I am hot on security for various reasons and hubby goes mad sometimes. Identity theft is one of the major problems at the minute, if you stand too still in our house you get shredded. Although it's a lot tighter here than in the States where the info you can get hold of is unreal.[msneek]
