View Full Version : Airline Humour!!
This started under another thread but i thought it would be fun as we all HAVE TO fly to get to Florida......................
Ok try this one................
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax ... OH, MY GOD!'
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'
TeeHee!!
Julie R
And another one..............
Airline Humour
Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world.
While taxiing at London Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: Wasn't I married to you once?"
====================================
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
====================================
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
====================================
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern
702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers"
====================================
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206"
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop Ground:
"Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I didn't land."
====================================
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
====================================
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English):
This is one of Fozzie's..................
quote:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Fozzie
Dont know if you've seen these before, but made me laugh
Fozzie
After each flight, pilots fill a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the air craft. The mechanics read and correct the problem and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheet before the next flight.
These are actual logged maintenance complaints as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
P=The problem logged by the pilot.
S=The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left side main tyre almost needs replacing.
S: Almost replaced left side main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land is not installed in this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME (distance measuring equipment) volume is unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to a more believable level.
P: Friction lock causes throttle lever to stick.
S: That’s what they are there for!
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative when in ‘OFF’ mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Engine number 3 missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pilot wisdom..........................
f you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back --- then they get bigger again)
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Trust your captain .... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as a copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.
Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.
Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.
Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!
Gravity never loses -- the best you can hope for is a draw!
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.
Julie R
I am on a roll now.....................Blonde Passenger
A plane is on its way to London when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and
that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde , I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here!"
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First
Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and
return to her Economy seat.
The blond replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here!"
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he should probably have the police waiting when they land, to arrest this blonde woman that
won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blond and have learned to speak 'blonde!'"
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and with out a question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the
Economy section.
The flightattendant and the co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her First Class wasn't going to London!"
[:I][:I][:I][:I]
Julie R
P.S I am blonde too!!!
Take Your Kid to Work
A pilots idea of taking kids to work..
*
*
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20043251735_kidstowork.jpg
Competition for Virgin
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/200432517717_air.jpg
Whilst we're on the subject..
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004325172420_snoopyall.JPG
Oh Dear!!!
These pics just go to illustrate those days when it would have been better to have stayed in bed!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004325174033_o1.jpg
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004325174126_o2.jpg
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004325174224_o3.jpg
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004325174248_o4.jpg
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004325174310_o5.jpg
This one is a little suggestive...............sorry............
Why Aeroplanes Are Better Than Women
Aeroplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
An aeroplane’s thrust to weight ratio is higher.
An aeroplane does not get mad if you "touch and go."
An aeroplane does not object to a pre-light inspection.
Aeroplanes come with manuals.
Aeroplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
You can fly an aeroplane any time of the month.
Aeroplanes like to do it inverted.
Aeroplanes don't come with in-laws.
Aeroplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
Aeroplanes don't care about how many other aeroplanes you have flown.
When flying, you and your aeroplane both arrive at the same time.
Aeroplanes don't mind if you look at other aeroplanes.
Aeroplanes don't mind if you buy aeroplane magazines.
Aeroplanes don't mind if you rent another aeroplane.
It's OK to use tie-downs on your aeroplane.
An aeroplane will kill you quickly... a woman takes her time.
Julie R
FAA = Federal Aviation Authority in the US......................
The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air- craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.
They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.
TeeHee
Tell me when you have had enough!!!!
Julie R
Julie, Oh go on then......
After a particularly heavy landing at Jersey (C.I.) the cabin attendant announced, "Will all passengers please remain in the overhead lockers until the aircraft has come to a complete halt and the seatbelt signs have been switched off"
[8D]
================================================== ====
This one might start a whole new thread of its own !!
..
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign read: "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer."
;)
================================================== ================
After a particularly lousy landing by the co-pilot of an Australian commercial airline, that co-pilot heard the Captain announce "Ladies and Gentlemen, XXX airlines wishes to apologize for that rough landing provided today by our first officer".
Some months later the same crew were together and, you guessed it, the Captain did an even worse one. The First Officer immediately jumped on the intercom announcing "Ladies and Gentlemen, XXX airlines wishes to apologize for that rough landing provided today by our Captain".
The Captain immediately responded angrily, "What did you say that for?".
The First Officer replied "Remember a couple of months back? I owed it to you!".
"But I never keyed the mike!" responded the Captain.
Oops, Its only 268 days until xmas...[msnsmile]
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004325185557_santa.jpg
This is a true story as it happened to my best friend.................
London to LA working in first class my friend was having trouble with a woman travelling with a baby as she did not have her nanny with her....................suddenly she handed her baby to my friend and said "stewardess...change the baby"!!!!
My friend duly took the baby from the passenger and disappeared in to the galley..............in the meantime she went down to the economy cabin and asked a Jamaican lady if she could borrow her baby for a minute.......she then returned to the lady in first class and said............... "madam, I have changed the baby, will this one do"???
I cannot repeat on this forum her response, but needless to say she was not happy, however my friend did get a round of applause from other passengers in first class!!!
Julie R
P.S Dont forget to watch the speed limit when in Florida!:D
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/20043252059_speed_trap.jpg
Fozzie,
I like that one!!
Keep them coming!!!
Are you interested in flying?
Julie R
Julie, Yes love flying and travelling.
If you liked that, you'll probably like this one..
Maybe we can start a caption competition?
I'll go first.
Grrrrrrr.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004325203313_sharkattack.jpg
We obviously frequent the same web sites!!!
Umm............lunch!!!!
Julie R
Or how about, I think you've got a tyre out.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004325211032_fillherup.jpg
Fozzie if you like computers you will appreciate this................
If Operating Systems were Airlines
DOS AIR All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, etcetera.
WINDOWS AIRLINES The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. After your plane arrives 6 months late, you begin to wonder why it has not arrived yet. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it crashes without warning.
MAC AIRWAYS The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
OS/2 WARP SKYWAYS The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. Airline personnel walk around, apologising profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems.
FLY WINDOWS NT All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.
WINGS of OS/400 The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost £15 a pop. Stupid questions cost £230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club.
MVS AIRLINES The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realise that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors!
UNIX EXPRESS Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.
For some strange reason, many teens like to fly Unix Express, but they don't carry their own box of tools and don't know what to do during the fly so they keep bothering other passengers.
Yet, they feel top flyers and tease people who fly with other companies. Neverthless, they most likely fly Windows Airlines on the way back.
Julie R
Julie, Like those...
- makes me realise how old you are when you've worked on all those operating systems over the years![msnwink]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Julie, Like those...
- makes me realise how old you are when you've worked on all those operating systems over the years![msnwink]
[/quote]
Personally I havent heard of most of them!!!
TeeHee
Julie R
But then I havn't worked on Concorde !
:D:D:D:D:D:D
SHOCK, HORROR !!
Look at the price of gas!!!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Or how about, I think you've got a tyre out.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004325211032_fillherup.jpg
[/quote]
Latest model comes with auto-air
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200432620931_planepieces.jpg
DISNEYDIVA
27-03-2004, 00:12
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Julie, Like those...
- makes me realise how old you are when you've worked on all those operating systems over the years![msnwink]
[/quote]
WINGS of OS/400 still got one of those, i call it (my boy) the young ones won't touch it, sits in the corner never gives us any bother.
[msnsmile2][msnwink]
Wow, didnt think there were many left - guess you'll still remember what things like STRSEU,SNDMSG and the memorable WRKMBRPDM still mean.
[msneek]SIGNOFF
DISNEYDIVA
27-03-2004, 00:56
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Wow, didnt think there were many left - guess you'll still remember what things like STRSEU,SNDMSG and the memorable WRKMBRPDM still mean.
[msneek]SIGNOFF
[/quote]
Still using it Fozzie, but its going this year, it will be a sad day for me. Sure we have all the new technology now and its great, now i'm showing my age cos i started on a system/38 [msnwink]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
But then I havn't worked on Concorde !
:D:D:D:D:D:D
[/quote]
Now I could tell you a few stories!!!
Julie R
[:I][:I][:I][:I]
Floridalover
27-03-2004, 02:42
Just caught on to this thread.....excellent[:p] Must check my archives when I am back, I'm sure I can add a few.
Keep em coming:D:D
dick wroe
01-04-2004, 19:18
Highie greean was interviewing a sponser of an act on his tv talen show, a polish ex war pilot.
"Tell me old son" said hughie "you were an ace pilot in the war is that right"?
Ya zis is correct he replied
and i beleive you were honoured for shooting down 6 aircraft at one time
ya siz is correct zere was a fokker behind me a fokker above two fokkers ahead and two behind
I shot the two fokkers in front very easily, ze fokkers behind had a shock when i looped the loop and shot both fokkers in the back end.
I drapped hard onto the fokker below and broke its back and the fokker above took me several minutes to get in my sights to shoot down
hughie then interjected saying " well for the benefeit of our younger viewers the "Fokker" was a very famous german fighter in the last war isnt that correct old son"
Ya siz is correct .... but these fokkers were merschershmidts
AER LINGUS MILE HIGH CLUB
A mother and young son were flying Aer Lingus. The son, who had been looking out the plane's window, turned to his mother and said "Mom ... If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
Stumped for an answer the mother suggested to her son that he ask the stewardess. The boy promptly got out of his seat and wandered back to the service area. "Excuse me" the boy said to the stewardess. "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
"Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
"Yes" He said nodding his head.
She whispered in the boy's ear, "Tell your mother it's because Aer Lingus always pulls out on time."
[msnwink]
A direct service!!!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044120549_planeinhouse.jpg
TeeHee!!
There behind you............
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/200441212428_Binladen.jpg
Excess baggage - must be from Orlando!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044121269_cargofallout.jpg
Remind me - why do I need a parachute ?
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/20044284021_forgotchute.jpg
[msnwink]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Just caught on to this thread.....excellent[:p] Must check my archives when I am back, I'm sure I can add a few.
Keep em coming:D:D
[/quote]
Come on Matt we are waiting!!
Floridalover
03-04-2004, 01:36
:( you've got all the best ones :( I'll keep looking, have a few pilot friends so I'll get on to them:)
Floridalover
03-04-2004, 01:39
Ok, its not airline but it is transport related.......
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio
conversation of a US Naval ship and the Canadians, off the coast of
Newfoundland, Oct 95.Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval
Operations10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees
to the South, to avoid a collision.
> >>
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
>North,to avoid a collision.
> >>
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your
course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
> >>
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship.
I say again, divert YOUR course.
> >>
CANADIANS: Negative. I say again, You will have to divert your
course.
> >>
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS
LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET, THREE
DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I
DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY
AGAIN, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN
TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
CANADIANS: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
Floridalover
03-04-2004, 01:46
Here we go.......
>Koos van Der Merwe and Philemon were a couple of drinking buddies,
who
>worked as aeroplane mechanics at Johannesburg international Airport.
>One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar
with
>nothing to do.
>Koos said, " I wish we had something to drink"
>Philimon said, " eischhhhh! me too. You know I have heard you
can drink jet
>fuel and get very drunk. You want to try it?"
>
>So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch
and got
>completely smashed.
>The next morning Koos wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In
>fact he feels great.
>No hangovers! No bad side effects. Nothing!
>Then the phone rings...it' s Philimon!!!!
>
>Philimon says "eischhhh, how do you feel this morning?"
>Koos says, "I feel great, how about you?"
>Philimon says, "I feel smooth. You don't have
a hang over?"
>Koos says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff,
no hangovers,
>We ought to do this more often"
>"Ya, well there's just one thing......"
>"What's that?"
>"Have you farted yet?"
>"No."
>"Well don't!!, 'cos I'm in Cape Town."
:D:D
Matt,
Thats brill!! V V Funny!
Anymore?
You are on a roll now:):D:):D
Floridalover
03-04-2004, 02:00
Only a short role, I'll see if I can get some more:) i'm off to india tomorrow for 6 days so I will be without forum[msncry] I have forum withdrawal symptons already !
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Only a short role, I'll see if I can get some more:) i'm off to india tomorrow for 6 days so I will be without forum[msncry] I have forum withdrawal symptons already !
[/quote]
Where abouts in India? Hubby has done a bit of work out there.
Floridalover
03-04-2004, 02:15
Bombay - or Mumbai as it is now. Got a lot of back-office work there so I'm over seeing a project go-live. I like it out there, This is my 7th visit, I could just do without it at the moment, too much going on[xx(]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Bombay - or Mumbai as it is now. Got a lot of back-office work there so I'm over seeing a project go-live. I like it out there, This is my 7th visit, I could just do without it at the moment, too much going on[xx(]
[/quote]
Hubby has done work there too and he used to stay in what was the crew hotel - The Oberoi, don't know if it still is?
Have a good trip!
Floridalover
03-04-2004, 02:23
No, it was the Leela for a while and now it is the Airport Sheraton. It's new so very nice. I love the food out there, there is nothing like a good Indian in India[msnwink]
Until next week.....[msnsmile]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
No, it was the Leela for a while and now it is the Airport Sheraton. It's new so very nice. I love the food out there, there is nothing like a good Indian in India[msnwink]
Until next week.....[msnsmile]
[/quote]
Just had one here!! A curry that is!
Floridalover
03-04-2004, 02:28
:D:D:D:D
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Ok, its not airline but it is transport related.......
> >>
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS
LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET, THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY
AGAIN, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN
TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
CANADIANS: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
[/quote]
Its easy done !:)
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200443101949_stuckboat.jpg
Have a safe trip Matt[8D]
Calamity Jane
03-04-2004, 17:53
Julie & Fozzie
Thanks, you have just cheered me up no end, my son has just landed ( pardon the pun !!!) a job with Virgin so I have printed most of the jokes out for him ( though I am sure he will start his own collection pretty soon)
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Calamity Jane
Julie & Fozzie
Thanks, you have just cheered me up no end, my son has just landed ( pardon the pun !!!) a job with Virgin so I have printed most of the jokes out for him ( though I am sure he will start his own collection pretty soon)
You are welcome!
What the job??
[/quote]
Calamity Jane
03-04-2004, 22:23
Hi Julie
He applied for a position as a member of the Virgin cabin crew a couple of weeks ago, got an interview a week ago at Crawley ( 14 girls and Danny )and he got his letter of acceptance on Wednesday, out of the fifteen only five got through to the "second round" He dosn't know if any of the girls got through though.
Is all happened very quickly, he goes down for six weeks training on the 4th May and then he's up up and away ( being his mum I'm really pleased for him but nervous as well, even though we go out at least four/five times a year to Florida)
We have even got him a place to stay near the airport ( Virgin hand a list out of places run or owned by Virgin staff, cabin crew or office staff)
If you've got any tips for him whilst training I would be grateful:)
After splitting up with his girlfriend ( of six years) he has decided to go for a career change ( it dosn't help that she works at the same place as him) so he decided, with a little push from us, to go ahead with this .
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Calamity Jane
Hi Julie
He applied for a position as a member of the Virgin cabin crew a couple of weeks ago, got an interview a week ago at Crawley ( 14 girls and Danny )and he got his letter of acceptance on Wednesday, out of the fifteen only five got through to the "second round" He dosn't know if any of the girls got through though.
Is all happened very quickly, he goes down for six weeks training on the 4th May and then he's up up and away ( being his mum I'm really pleased for him but nervous as well, even though we go out at least four/five times a year to Florida)
We have even got him a place to stay near the airport ( Virgin hand a list out of places run or owned by Virgin staff, cabin crew or office staff)
If you've got any tips for him whilst training I would be grateful:)
After splitting up with his girlfriend ( of six years) he has decided to go for a career change ( it dosn't help that she works at the same place as him) so he decided, with a little push from us, to go ahead with this .
[/quote]
I will pm you!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Calamity Jane
Julie & Fozzie
Thanks, you have just cheered me up no end, my son has just landed ( pardon the pun !!!) a job with Virgin so I have printed most of the jokes out for him ( though I am sure he will start his own collection pretty soon)
[/quote]
Your welcome, please feel free to join in as well:):)
Floridalover
04-04-2004, 01:50
Thanks Fozzie, had a great trip. BA First is unbeatable. I'm also pleased I got logged in here, no forum withdrawal symptoms anymore:):)
Calamity Jane, congrats to your son, may he fly safe and well for years to come:)
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Thanks Fozzie, had a great trip. BA First is unbeatable. I'm also pleased I got logged in here, no forum withdrawal symptoms anymore:):)
Calamity Jane, congrats to your son, may he fly safe and well for years to come:)
[/quote]
Nice one Matt, you can keep up to date!
Glad you had a good flight and you can't beat BA!
Floridalover
04-04-2004, 02:08
Julie R, I know, First is a great product.
take care, I;m off now, sleep time its 2am.
Ray&Sarah
04-04-2004, 02:29
Calamity Jane,
So the next time we fly virgin your son could be a member of the cabin crew. Tell him Congrats!:D
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by hayter
Calamity Jane,
So the next time we fly virgin your son could be a member of the cabin crew. Tell him Congrats!:D
[/quote]
Thats true he could volunteer for the MAN-MCO on 31 July please!!
Stop press
Cessna reveals latest in engine technology...
Cat says send more mice....
Meooouwww..
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200443215611_catengine.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Stop press
Cessna reveals latest in engine technology...
Cat says send more mice....
Meooouwww..
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200443215611_catengine.jpg
[/quote]
Ah like that one Fozzie!!
P.S I never saw any when I had flying lessons in a Cessna!!
But do you remember that strange whining when the engine started...:)
Oh Yes!!!!
It went a bit like...........meow.....brrrrrrrrr..........meow.. ..........brrrrrrrrrrrrr..............chug........ ...chug!!
Its getting late...how many have I had!
Sounds about the same as me.....:D
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/200444175643_97.jpg
Now we know why flight deck visits have been banned!!!
Your turn Fozzie!!!
Wow, this is starting to get difficult!
'you can run but you cant hide'
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200444182115_planetruck.JPG
I know it is really hard now, I have found lots but people got hurt so I would not dream of posting them!
Thats a good one though!
Flyblu's 767 not going to be ready on time!!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/200444183452_flyblu.jpg
A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
Come on Fozzie!!!
A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it!" the customer exclaimed. "I knew it was a big animal!"
A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
Problem discovered with latest US Stealth Plane.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200444193120_stealthplane.jpg
A pilot was attempting to deal with New York, and the controller shot
everything out a mile a minute. The pilot came back with "New York, you hear how fast I'm a-talkin'? Well, that's how fast I'm a-listenin'".
================================================== ==
Another pilot obtaining a clearance from the Trenton controller who
shot back "Trenton, you can repeat that, oh, about ten times. Or you can say it again once... slowly."
An airline pilot wrote that on a particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off the plane except this little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no, ma'am. What is it?"
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"
:)
The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base "Requesting Radar".
"What is you position?" asked ATC
"You got radar you find us" Air Force One replied.
After a few minutes ATC announced "Air Force One we're changing frequency"
"What frequency are you changing to?" asked Air Force One
"You've got 720 channels - you find us!" ATC replied.
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it!" the customer exclaimed. "I knew it was a big animal!"
[/quote]
Love it Julie. Keep 'em coming.
:D:D:D:D
Cows might fly..........
This is apparently a true story about the crew of a Russian cargo plane who stole a cow to supplement their wages.
They put the cow in their freighter and take off to fly home over the sea of Japan. The cow begins to get very upset by the noise and starts to lash out, so the quick-thinking crew, sensing danger to the aircraft, open the rear door and kick the cow out.
Down at sea-level, The Japanese authorities imprison the rescued crew of a sunken fishing trawler, unable to believe their story that boat has been bombed out of the water by a flying cow...
:)
50 dollars is 50 dollars
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 is dollars is 50 dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 50 dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
This absolutely true....................
Talking of Russian Crews I was in Dubai Airport on standby waiting to see if I would get on the flight home watching the world go by.........and where I was waiting was near to the crew security area..............an Aeroflot crew came through with all their crew purchases to take back to Russia and they included...............3 fridges, 2 washing machines , 5 microwaves, 9 TV's, 4 freezers, loads of kettles, toasters, hairdryers etc etc ................and all of went through security!!!
New recruitment drive for african airline trainee hostess, meets with paw response. - lets hope there won't be a cat fight!
[msntongue]
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200444202029_africa_flying.jpg
Another true story from yours truly.....................
In the early days of my career I was doing the flight from London-Amsterdam which takes approx 40 minutes, it was a Friday night so we had a high ratio of Club Class (Business) passengers 160 club 20 economy.
In the club cabin we had to serve (in those days) a full tray, a drink from the bar, tea and coffee, clear in then do duty free!!
It was a rush to say the least and there was a smart alec who thought he would embarrass me in front of 20 friends because due to time restraits we had to serve the meal first followed by the drinks, so when I got to him I said................
"Would you like a drink from the bar Sir", he said "Yes I'd like a gin and tonic, but if you came to my house for dinner I would not dream of serving you a gin and tonic with your main course"!
I replied.........
"No Sir and if I came to your house for dinner I would not dream of bring 159 friends with me either"!
"Point taken" was his red faced reply!!
TeeHee!!
This went past our living room window...
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/blott/200444222150_jumboshuttle.jpg
Must have been some landing...
Nice one blottie, any more!!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by blott
This went past our living room window...
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/blott/200444222150_jumboshuttle.jpg
Must have been some landing...
[/quote]
But imagine what the children looked like.....[msnwink]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote: Nice one blottie, any more!![/quote] Afraid not - nobody ever believed us when we saw this go past our window and I spent hours on the net looking for a photo to even prove it had actually happened! [msnembarrased]
Oops missed!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044520221_airplane_wreck_one.jpg
Ouch, Thats a cracker..:D
U.S. finally admit to budget cuts..
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200445202754_budgetcuts.jpg
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044520333_safety_tip5.jpg
Pilots to install latest in cockpit protection systems.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200445203443_pilotgun.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Ouch, Thats a cracker..:D
[/quote]
Heres another...
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044520362_airplane_wreck2.jpg
and another................
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/200445203942_airplane_wreck4.jpg
learner driver maybe????
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/200445204418_ComicAirplane.jpg
Well how rude!!!
chrizzy100
06-04-2004, 00:45
Julie reading all this I can tell you'll get on well with my hubby....he can talk planes all day.....mostly world war 2.....but anything that flies he'll talk about.....I'd hate to tell people how much I've learnt about planes etc over the years....without ever showing an interest....if you hear things often enough you take it in thats for sure......[:o)][}:)]
Does he know the highway code??
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/200445205258_normal_airplanecrossing.jpg
No wonder some kids are scared of flying...............
Open WIDE!!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/200445205748_Airplane2.jpg
Ray&Sarah
06-04-2004, 01:00
Better not show this thread to my son, he has a thing about flying already.:D[msnwink]
Welcome to Mandarin Airlines.This is your pilot. You can relax and enjoy your flight.
I figured out what I did wrong last time.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044521048_airplane.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by hayter
Better not show this thread to my son, he has a thing about flying already.:D[msnwink]
[/quote]
Tell him more people are killed by donkeys every year than are hurt in airplanes!!
True!!
Ray&Sarah
06-04-2004, 01:02
Ohh!!!:D:D:D
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Tell him more people are killed by donkeys every year than are hurt in airplanes!![/quote] Now come on, own up! Anyone seen any flying donkeys? :D
Nope, but I have seen a horse fly!!!!
emm
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by blott
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Tell him more people are killed by donkeys every year than are hurt in airplanes!![/quote] Now come on, own up! Anyone seen any flying donkeys? :D
[/quote]
Only on Shrek!:D
(or was he an ass?)
Floridalover
06-04-2004, 22:56
:D:D:D Keeping me very amused in this hot and dusty place !!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
:D:D:D Keeping me very amused in this hot and dusty place !!
[/quote]
When are you back Matt?
After testing the new hangar cleaning system, the cleaner says 'flubble,lubble'. - rest of cleaning staff still missing......
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/20044619449_bb3.jpg
skeletons join mile high club!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/200446215047_milehigh.jpg
Dutch Airlines introduces New Super Economy!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044622412_Holland.JPG
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044720300_security.gif
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044720437_pig.jpg
So its true pigs really can fly!!!
Floridalover
08-04-2004, 10:56
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
:D:D:D Keeping me very amused in this hot and dusty place !!
[/quote]
When are you back Matt?
[/quote]
God, supposed to have been yesterday. Project problems, although I am definately leaving tonight[:p] Cant stop eating, too much good food here[8D]
Sounds like a new twist on chicken or beef.
Airline Food
I was on a flight to Hong Kong once. The flight would be seven hours long, so I decided to get some shuteye. I was soon awakened by the stewardess, who asked me if I would like some dinner. I said, "What are my choices?"
And she said, "Yes or no."
:)
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/20044814657_hands.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Sounds like a new twist on chicken or beef.
Airline Food
I was on a flight to Hong Kong once. The flight would be seven hours long, so I decided to get some shuteye. I was soon awakened by the stewardess, who asked me if I would like some dinner. I said, "What are my choices?"
And she said, "Yes or no."
:)
[/quote]
I like this one Fozzie!!
Thought you had gone quiet?
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Sounds like a new twist on chicken or beef.
Airline Food
And she said, "Yes or no."
:)
[/quote]
I like this one Fozzie!!
Thought you had gone quiet?
[/quote]
Been working away for a few days, sadly not as exotic as Matt - but kept me busy and out of trouble.[msnwink]
New Premium service, delivers passengers right to the door..
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200448161617_planehangar.jpg
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044816580_safety_tip14.jpg
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044817556_btn_whereis_op_640x479.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/20044816580_safety_tip14.jpg
[/quote]
Julie,
Good one ... - i've seen the rest of these clips, pity we cant' show them all on this site:D:D
Has anyone seen my car, i'm sure I left it here somewhere?
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200448174425_f18car.jpg
:):)
I know we have to be selective!!
The rest are way to cheeky!!
I've been flying for over 25 years and never seen anything unusual!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200449192314_planeufo.jpg
Like it Fozzie - things are getting desperate all my sources are drying up!!
Will someone tell this stewardess that the passengers board through the front door!!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004492156_JulieOnTheWing.jpg
What is she like???
TeeHee!!
Sorry I cant believe that photo is so big!
Floridalover
10-04-2004, 13:45
Is that you ?? That was taken on the wing of concorde wasn't it ??
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Is that you ?? That was taken on the wing of concorde wasn't it ??
[/quote]
Never seen her before in my life!!!
Honest!!
TeeHee!!
P.S Yes it is on the wing of Concorde Matt [:I]
Well if we're going for self portraits, heres one of me....
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200441010416_oldmonkey.jpg
Floridalover
10-04-2004, 14:18
:D:D:D:DFozzie, I'm not going to have trouble finding you in the bar next sunday!!
Fozzie,
You are 'i candy'!!
Matt,
The ladies will be after him in the bar so watch out!!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
:D:D:D:DFozzie, I'm not going to have trouble finding you in the bar next sunday!!
[/quote]
The sad thing is I bet you do recognise me straight away!...:D
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Fozzie,
You are 'i candy'!!
Matt,
The ladies will be after him in the bar so watch out!!
[/quote]
Well ok, this picture was taken a few years ago....
..and i'm a bit older with a little less hair...
But i'm a sucker for bananas....
(some would say completely bananas!!!!!):D:D
Floridalover
10-04-2004, 18:08
Fozzie, we seem to have a lot in common....apart from looks, looking forward to meeting lots of ladies whilst in your company[msnwink]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Fozzie, we seem to have a lot in common....apart from looks, looking forward to meeting lots of ladies whilst in your company[msnwink]
[/quote]
Sssshhhh..[msnwink]
Hey you guys, thought we were a three some on this thread!!
if you know what I mean!![:I][:I][:I][:I]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Hey you guys, thought we were a three some on this thread!!
if you know what I mean!![:I][:I][:I][:I]
[/quote]
Julie
Wouldn't have it any other way...:D - I bet the rest of the forum think we're totally bananas as well.[:o)]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Hey you guys, thought we were a three some on this thread!!
if you know what I mean!![:I][:I][:I][:I]
[/quote]
Julie
Wouldn't have it any other way...:D - I bet the rest of the forum think we're totally bananas as well.[:o)]
[/quote]
They would be right!!;);););)
Floridalover
10-04-2004, 23:32
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Hey you guys, thought we were a three some on this thread!!
if you know what I mean!![:I][:I][:I][:I]
[/quote]
Julie
Wouldn't have it any other way...:D - I bet the rest of the forum think we're totally bananas as well.[:o)]
[/quote]
They would be right!!;);););)
[/quote]
I'll second that, what's the point in being normal[msnwink]
This ones for you Julie..
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004410194114_concorde05.jpg
Gorgeous..
Honey, did we take a wrong turn back there ??
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004410204722_Rearview.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
This ones for you Julie..
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004410194114_concorde05.jpg
Gorgeous..
[/quote]
Alfa Fox with afterburners WOW!!
Flown on her many times!!
Thanks Fozzie[8)]
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 00:59
These were taken the day after retirement in October. I won a competition to climb all over them in the hangar......great fun, as its the same one I flew on too!
Concorde retirement day was a very sad day in aviation history.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/200441020573_DSC01893.JPG
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/2004410205732_DSC01889.JPG
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/2004410205751_DSC01958.JPG
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/2004410205829_DSC01909.JPG
I know that Senior First Officer!!
Which aircraft was it Matt?
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 01:03
For some reason these didnt post:
Should stir some memories Julie R[msncry]
I took 110 pictures in 2 hours!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/200441021231_DSC01891.JPG
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/200441021259_DSC01909.JPG
This thread is very funny..especially with the threesome bouncing off each other!! Here's a couple I have seen..
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50 ways to leave
your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
2. Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you
wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold
outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope
you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for
a ride.
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National,
a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."
6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest
Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into
the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and
if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the
mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling
with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
travelling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have
some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none
of them are on this flight...!
12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate!"
13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to
the terminal."
14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy
which required the first officer to stand at the door while the
passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ
airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time
looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little
old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a
question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old
lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant
came o
Just looked closer its Alfa Echo! Ah.................
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 01:05
It was Oscar Echo, I flew on the last full test flight to New York and back the day before we went back into service after the fuel tank modifications. that was free too !!! very lucky me;);)
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 01:06
Sorry, Alhpa Echo
I have just tried to post some pics too but keep getting an error message so will try again later or tomorrow!
Matt, they are great pics!!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Sorry, Alhpa Echo
[/quote]
Errrrr... alpha echo, over and out?
Earth calling Matt & Julie, come in please....:D
What can you say, sheer beauty.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004410221817_concorde1.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Robday
This thread is very funny..especially with the threesome bouncing off each other!! Here's a couple I have seen..
[/quote]
Keep them coming Rob, we're running out !!!:D
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 02:19
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Sorry, Alhpa Echo
[/quote]
Errrrr... alpha echo, over and out?
Earth calling Matt & Julie, come in please....:D
[/quote]
G-BOAE - registration speak[msnwink]
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 02:22
Very sad........[msncry][msncry]
http://www.airliners.net/open.file/548734/M/
Sad but fun!!
Having trouble uploading some pics so switching it all off and restarting..........
Well it normally works:(
floridadreamvilla.co.uk
11-04-2004, 02:25
Here is Julie's picture:
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/floridadreamvilla.co.uk/2004410222540_conclap2.jpg
Thanks John!!
It was taken on trip to Finnish Lapland!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Thanks John!!
It was taken on trip to Finnish Lapland!
[/quote]
Beautiful....
a little older, but still fabulous :)
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004410224058_concorde6.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Thanks John!!
It was taken on trip to Finnish Lapland!
[/quote]
Beautiful....
[/quote]
Thanks Fozzie, this is turning into a Concorde appreciation thread!!
I'm struggling to find to find new material for the humour thread now!!
Just a shame Richard Branson isnt allowed to buy them and get them back into service.[msncry]
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/julie R/2004410231246_mewing.jpg
Fozzie, Me and another trolley dolly on the wing of an 'older' one!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by floridavillas2go
Just a shame Richard Branson isnt allowed to buy them and get them back into service.[msncry]
[/quote]
BA should not have been allowed to retire them! they were given to BA for £1 and belong to the whole country!!!
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 11:14
Found a new source:D:D
Tower: "Airline XXX, it looks like one of your baggage doors is open."
Captain (after quickly scanning the FE panel): "Ah, thanks tower, but you must be looking at our APU door."
Tower: "Okay, Airline XXX, cleared for takeoff."
Captain: "Cleared for takeoff, Airline XXX."
Tower, during the takeoff roll: "Airline XXX, ahh ... it appears that your APU is leaking luggage..."
Tower: "Eastern 702, contact Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure ... by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for take-off; did you copy the report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and roger, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!"
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, you have never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing... but I didn't stop."
A United Airlines 747 captain tries to make light banter with Sydney, Australia, Approach Control ...
Captain: "Good morning, Sydney, this is United XXX, we're 50 miles out and have your island in sight ..."
Approach: "Roger, United ... you're cleared to circle the island twice, then it's okay to land."
The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who was just as obviously enjoying himself.
He came swishing down the aisle and said to the man and the woman seated beside him, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that the woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one!"
"Well, sweet cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen so I outrank you. Put up the tray, bitch!"
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 11:33
......and some more......
During a particularly rough flight, the airliner pilot addresses his passengers: "The turbulence we passed through was rough, but we have passed that now. The rest of the flight is expected to be smooth." The pilot was unaware that his PA switch was stuck on, and leaned over to the co-pilot and said "Boy, was that rough! What I need now is a hot woman and a cold beer."
A flight attendant in the rear of the aircraft heard this, and ran forward to warn the pilot.
As she neared the cockpit, an elderly woman passenger stopped her saying "Don't forget the beer!"
After landing hard, the pilot gets on the PA system to explain the arrival: "Sorry for the hard landing folks. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the plane's fault. It was the asphalt."
The student in his primary trainer was flying a solo cross-country. He lost his way and before he finally ran out of fuel he decided to put it down on a road. With hardly any cars on the road he managed to coast his aircraft into a gas station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!"
The attendant just looked at the pilot.
"I bet you don't get too many airplanes asking for a refuel," said the pilot.
The attendant replied: "True, most pilots use that airport over there."
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 11:45
....s[bad language filtered out]ing the barrel now.....:D:D
Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said " Ya know Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane." and every year Martha would say "I know Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs.... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs." So Stumpy says " By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may evah go." Martha replies " Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So the pilot overhears them and says " Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars."
They agree and up they go.... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard, he does it one more time, still nothing... so he lands.
He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says " By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't." And Stumpy replies "Well I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out...but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/200441174529_917c2.jpg
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 11:47
....s[bad language filtered out]ing the barrel now.....
That wasn't bad language by the way, over sensitive software maybe?? I wrote:
S-C-R-A-P-I-N-G the barrel :D:D:D
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 11:57
Oh boy........
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just finished saying 'In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device,' when a man remarked, "Hey! If the plane can't fly, why should I believe the seat can float?"
This a a quick catch!!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/200441175727_fishing.jpg
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 12:23
Cessna 152: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Center"
Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.
Student Pilot: "I'm lost; I'm over a lake and heading toward the big E."
Controller: "Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar."
(short pause)...
Controller: "Okay then. That lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you turn to
the big W immediately ..."
Tower: "...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the centerline on that approach."
Speedbird: "That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right"
Controller: "USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.60.
(pause)
Controller: "USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!"
(pause)
Controller: "USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!"
Pilot: "Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!"
An airplane takes off from the airport.
The captain is Jewish and the >First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious by the silence that they don't get along very well.
After about thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters, "I don't like >Chinese."
The First Officer replies, "Oooooh, no rike Chinese? Why dat?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."
"Nooooo, noooo Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not >Chinese."
"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese ... it doesn't matter, they're all >alike."
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says, "No >rike Jew."
"Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic."
"The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah . all >same."
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/200441182251_UADC10GG.jpg
Which one is you Julie in the picture
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 12:37
...no return tickets available....
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/200441183728_ua747-2.jpg
Matt,
Well you have been a busy boy this morning!!
These will keep us going for a while!!
:):):):)
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by floridavillas2go
Which one is you Julie in the picture
[/quote]
I'm the taller one on the left!!
[:I][:I][:I][:I]
Matt, Is this you on your way back from India last week????
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004411102031_MVC-002F.JPG
[:0][:0][:0][:0]
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004411102516_safety_tip11.jpg
This Is The True Defination Of A Real Wingman !
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004411102927_raaf_new_toy_op_640x495.jpg
Great Stuff, just when I thought we were running out..:):)
Liked the concorde thread, some great pictures there (not to mention a couple of babes on the wing![msnwink])
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 15:13
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Matt, Is this you on your way back from India last week????
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004411102031_MVC-002F.JPG
[:0][:0][:0][:0]
[/quote]
Now I know why that CSD was feeding me so much gin:D:D
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 15:17
Liked the concorde thread, some great pictures there (not to mention a couple of babes on the wing![msnwink])
[/quote]
Yes, look like they are doing a modern Marilyn Monroe impression with those skirts blowing around like that:)
Recently overheard on Fargo (N.D.) Approach Control frequency: "Cessna One Alpha Bravo, you have unidentified traffic at 2 o'clock, three miles, altitude unknown, over the railroad tracks.
Very slow moving primary target, might be a helicopter."
(Long pause.), "Might be a train."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of
an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"If you are so lucky to be traveling with small children..." :D
Approach: Beech 998, you're showing two thousand feet and intermittent Mode C. Say altitude.
Beech 998: Beech 998 is intermittently at two thousand feet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A veteran airline captain, apparently checking in with ATC on the wrong frequency, was asked:
"Say your position?" to which he replied, "Captain".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.
Control Tower replies: "And where is the world's most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?" [:p]
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 15:32
Ok, last concorde pics, promise:
a dramatic sky for a dramatic ending......
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/2004411113139_DSC01979.JPG
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/2004411113155_DSC01935.JPG
and now the permantent resting place.....looks like she's fell off the runway!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/2004411113234_DSC03988.JPG
Floridalover
11-04-2004, 15:40
Ok, final final few, promise....just couldn't resists these. Notice the size of the turbine in the first picture:):)
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/200441111392_DSC01901.JPG
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/2004411113930_DSC01963.JPG
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Floridalover/2004411113951_DSC01968.JPG
Some great pictures there Matt..
Shame her flying days are over:(
..but what a way to go, 'Revered'
:)
Oh well on with the show...
From all of these pictures, I doubt we will have any trouble recognising each other in the bar next week!!
Just in case, here's another weakness of mine.:)
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004411124939_seagull.gif
For all you Trekkies out there...........
I always knew it was real!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004411192929_btn_boeingne_op_560x461.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Some great pictures there Matt..
Shame her flying days are over:(
..but what a way to go, 'Revered'
:)
Oh well on with the show...
[/quote]
BooHoo!!!
Great pics Matt!!!
Another oldie, but classic.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004411193441_snoopy3.jpg:)
Floridalover
12-04-2004, 02:37
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
From all of these pictures, I doubt we will have any trouble recognising each other in the bar next week!!
Just in case, here's another weakness of mine.:)
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004411124939_seagull.gif
[/quote]
Get the Budweisers flowing and it's mine too....looking forward to it already[msncool][msncool]
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004412102939_snoopy2.jpg:D
In efficiency move, some airlines to introduce new 'Cargo Class'
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004412121231_zerog.jpg
(at least you've got leg room!);)
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
From all of these pictures, I doubt we will have any trouble recognising each other in the bar next week!!
Just in case, here's another weakness of mine.:)
[/quote]
Get the Budweisers flowing and it's mine too....looking forward to it already[msncool][msncool]
[/quote]
I've started to get the hangover already[^], or was that last night?[msnscared] - can't wait...
Police Radar
Police in Britain using a radar gun noted a reading of more than 300 mph, just before their equipment fried. Seconds later a low-flying Harrier jet hurtled past. The police complained to the Royal Air Force about the damage to their equipment, but the police were told to consider themselves lucky. The Harrier's target-seeker had locked onto the radar and triggered an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface attack. Fortunately for the police, the Harrier was not armed with missiles.
Oh what a shame...:D
Stories that Richard Branson may be cheating in latest attempt to cross atlantic described as absurd...
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200441219543_branson.jpg
Mmmm...
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200441219825_inverted.jpg
Now that would be me...:)
Dallas and I nearly always go outdoors when Concorde flys over as she is such a wonderful looking plane. Unfortunately our last view of her is without her wings and tailfin riding on a large barge on the Thames at Syon Park. [V][V]
Jeff
Pikey1999
13-04-2004, 19:52
When I was a youth I was in the Army Cadets (something to do).
As a cadet we were given some menial tasks such as being up the sand bunker end of an Army live firing range, pasting little bits of paper over the bullet holes in the paper targets (once the firing had finished!).
When the firing was going on you could hear the guns firing then watch the sand being hit.
One day Concorde was flying into the small regional airport close by.
Somebody must have messed up somewhere because when she flew in the live firing continued.
She flew along the river some distance away from the range but still in line with it.
As she went past I could hear the guns continuing to fire but not one single bullet hit the sand by me.
I concluded that they must have been fired at Concorde but nothing was reported so I guess she was out of range and therefore safe!
I am still on the case but struggling to find material...............!!!!
Pikey1999
13-04-2004, 22:10
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
I am still on the case but struggling to find material...............!!!!
[/quote]
Your 600th Post!
Damn bugs get everywhere!.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004413194334_air_wash.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Pikey1999
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
I am still on the case but struggling to find material...............!!!!
[/quote]
Your 600th Post!
[/quote]
Oh Yes!! I didn't notice - thanks Pikey!!!
Floridalover
14-04-2004, 00:32
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Damn bugs get everywhere!.
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004413194334_air_wash.jpg
[/quote]
....or aircraft cleaning cutbacks:D
Pikey1999
14-04-2004, 00:38
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Floridalover
14-04-2004, 00:48
:D:D:D:D
Flyblu finally take delivery of their new plane!!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004413211952_Airplane-3.jpg
[8D][8D][8D][8D]
Pikey1999
14-04-2004, 01:25
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Flyblu finally take delivery of their new plane!!!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004413211952_Airplane-3.jpg
[8D][8D][8D][8D]
[/quote]
My kids would love that. So much better than the usual blow-up castle. [msnsmile2] [msnwink] [msntongue]
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004413212826_airplane.JPG
Oops..
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/20044132248_long_walk.jpg
Flyblu to install latest in inflight entertainment..
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200441322628_planetennis.jpg
New sympathetic approach to strafing - Scare the pants off you, and then clean up afterwards...
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004416163250_toiletdrop.jpg
Thats about it for me Julie, i'm going to have to work hard to find new material!!.:)
Hi Fozzie,
I thought you had given up!!
It is a struggle now I know - maybe others will start to contribute with some funny stories about flights................
Come on you guys lets have your flight stories please!!!
Fozzie, you behave your self with Matt on Sunday not too many Margaritas!!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Hi Fozzie,
I thought you had given up!!
It is a struggle now I know - maybe others will start to contribute with some funny stories about flights................
Come on you guys lets have your flight stories please!!!
Fozzie, you behave your self with Matt on Sunday not too many Margaritas!!
[/quote]
Its been a long week, and I will probably be pretty tired after the flight - but have too many drinks?, Mmmm, it would be rude not to.....:D:D
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Hi Fozzie,
I thought you had given up!!
It is a struggle now I know - maybe others will start to contribute with some funny stories about flights................
Come on you guys lets have your flight stories please!!!
Fozzie, you behave your self with Matt on Sunday not too many Margaritas!!
[/quote]
Its been a long week, and I will probably be pretty tired after the flight - but have too many drinks?, Mmmm, it would be rude not to.....:D:D
[/quote]
Enjoy!!!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie Rbr]Hi Fozzie,
Come on you guys lets have your flight stories please!!!
Fozzie, you behave your self with Matt on Sunday not too many Margaritas!!
[/quote]
Its been a long week, and I will probably be pretty tired after the flight - but have too many drinks?, Mmmm, it would be rude not to.....:D:D
[/quote]
Enjoy!!!
[/quote]
We'll get a margarita for you, and i'll post the picture here so you don't think we've forgotten you!!!!..[8D]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie Rbr]Hi Fozzie,
Come on you guys lets have your flight stories please!!!
Fozzie, you behave your self with Matt on Sunday not too many Margaritas!!
[/quote]
Its been a long week, and I will probably be pretty tired after the flight - but have too many drinks?, Mmmm, it would be rude not to.....:D:D
[/quote]
Enjoy!!!
[/quote]
We'll get a margarita for you, and i'll post the picture here so you don't think we've forgotten you!!!!..[8D]
[/quote]
I will look forward to that!!!:)
Floridalover
17-04-2004, 19:04
Gives us a good excuse to talk to the ladies......I'm sure we'll find a Margarita eventually:D:D
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Gives us a good excuse to talk to the ladies......I'm sure we'll find a Margarita eventually:D:D
[/quote]
After a few they will all be called Margarita!!!
[msncool]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
Gives us a good excuse to talk to the ladies......I'm sure we'll find a Margarita eventually:D:D
[/quote]
After a few they will all be called Margarita!!!
[msncool]
[/quote]
Amen to that...[msnwink]
We'll get a margarita for you, and i'll post the picture here so you don't think we've forgotten you!!!!..
I shall be watching and waiting guys!!![:I]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
We'll get a margarita for you, and i'll post the picture here so you don't think we've forgotten you!!!!..
I shall be watching and waiting guys!!![:I]
[/quote]
Julie, sorry its a lousy picture taken in the bar (remember what I said about me and cameras!) - Matts on the left..
I'm still nursing my head:(, Matt is a lot better at this than me!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200441921739_43I10044.jpg
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
We'll get a margarita for you, and i'll post the picture here so you don't think we've forgotten you!!!!..
I shall be watching and waiting guys!!![:I]
[/quote]
Julie, sorry its a lousy picture taken in the bar (remember what I said about me and cameras!) - Matts on the left..
I'm still nursing my head:(, Matt is a lot better at this than me!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200441921739_43I10044.jpg
[/quote]
Hello guys, looks to me like you had a jolly good time!! Did you meet and Margaritas???[:I][:I][:I][:I]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
We'll get a margarita for you, and i'll post the picture here so you don't think we've forgotten you!!!!..
I shall be watching and waiting guys!!![:I]
[/quote]
Julie, sorry its a lousy picture taken in the bar (remember what I said about me and cameras!) - Matts on the left..
I'm still nursing my head:(, Matt is a lot better at this than me!
[/quote]
Hello guys, looks to me like you had a jolly good time!! Did you meet and Margaritas???[:I][:I][:I][:I]
[/quote]
We sat and chatted all night and had quite a few budweisers;), the only margarita that I got was the one in the picture!.[:o)], we had a good night (it was just the morning that was the problem [msnscared]).
I opened the bank account this morning with SunTrust in Celebration, its a real doddle to do it in person, went to Premium Mall (Starbucks) then popped in to see how my house is coming along (its ahead of schedule so it could be ready for xmas!), prices are just crazy there, they now want $40k more than I payed (thats in just 6 weeks!!!) - Also met up with Julie and Terry this afternoon at Matt's house who are really nice; we could have chatted all afternoon; We're then meeting up again tomorrow for a BBQ to celebrate Matt's house closure. - but still struggling to find new material for this thread!:D.
That photo doesnt lool much like either of them. Matt was celebrating his closing and had a fridge full of beer, champagne, gin and --- one sausage. Matts house is lovely, BTW , he has done so well to find such a nice house at that price in todays marlet.
That photo doesnt lool much like either of them.
Julie,
Are they posting a fake photo?? Naughty boys!!!
We sat and chatted all night and had quite a few budweisers, the only margarita that I got was the one in the picture!., we had a good night (it was just the morning that was the problem ).
I opened the bank account this morning with SunTrust in Celebration, its a real doddle to do it in person, went to Premium Mall (Starbucks) then popped in to see how my house is coming along (its ahead of schedule so it could be ready for xmas!), prices are just crazy there, they now want $40k more than I payed (thats in just 6 weeks!!!) - Also met up with Julie and Terry this afternoon at Matt's house who are really nice; we could have chatted all afternoon; We're then meeting up again tomorrow for a BBQ to celebrate Matt's house closure. - but still struggling to find new material for this thread!.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fozzie
Welldone you two!! Julie (Esprit) says the photo does not look like either of you???
Glad its all going well, I aslo had a starbucks yesterday but from Wilmslow in Cheshire not the Premium Mall in sunny Florida!!
Keep us posted!
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fozzie
Welldone you two!! Julie (Esprit) says the photo does not look like either of you???
Glad its all going well, I aslo had a starbucks yesterday but from Wilmslow in Cheshire not the Premium Mall in sunny Florida!!
Keep us posted!
[/quote]
No its not a fake photo, it really is us - but the camera did something funny when they took the picture[msnoo]...
The nice thing about Starbucks is that wherever you go its always fantastic... (but then I guess I wouldnt swap Wilmslow for Premium Mall:D)
Have fun, we'll keep you posted :):)
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fozzie
Welldone you two!! Julie (Esprit) says the photo does not look like either of you???
Glad its all going well, I aslo had a starbucks yesterday but from Wilmslow in Cheshire not the Premium Mall in sunny Florida!!
Keep us posted!
[/quote]
No its not a fake photo, it really is us - but the camera did something funny when they took the picture[msnoo]...
The nice thing about Starbucks is that wherever you go its always fantastic... (but then I guess I wouldnt swap Wilmslow for Premium Mall:D)
Have fun, we'll keep you posted :):)
[/quote]
Fozzie,
I have to agree Florida beats Wilmslow every time!!
I'm just waiting for this ride to go live [msnsmile2][msnsmile2]
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/mikewj/200442016503_pic6.jpg
It a pair of TANGO men!<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
We'll get a margarita for you, and i'll post the picture here so you don't think we've forgotten you!!!!..
I shall be watching and waiting guys!!![:I]
[/quote]
Julie, sorry its a lousy picture taken in the bar (remember what I said about me and cameras!) - Matts on the left..
I'm still nursing my head:(, Matt is a lot better at this than me!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200441921739_43I10044.jpg
[/quote]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by george
It a pair of TANGO men!<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Fozzie
Originally posted by Julie R
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/200441921739_43I10044.jpg
[/quote]
Just copying your Avatar George !!
[msnsmile2][msnsmile2][msnsmile2][msnwink]
Floridalover
22-04-2004, 06:40
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
We sat and chatted all night and had quite a few budweisers, the only margarita that I got was the one in the picture!., we had a good night (it was just the morning that was the problem ).
I opened the bank account this morning with SunTrust in Celebration, its a real doddle to do it in person, went to Premium Mall (Starbucks) then popped in to see how my house is coming along (its ahead of schedule so it could be ready for xmas!), prices are just crazy there, they now want $40k more than I payed (thats in just 6 weeks!!!) - Also met up with Julie and Terry this afternoon at Matt's house who are really nice; we could have chatted all afternoon; We're then meeting up again tomorrow for a BBQ to celebrate Matt's house closure. - but still struggling to find new material for this thread!.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fozzie
Welldone you two!! Julie (Esprit) says the photo does not look like either of you???
Glad its all going well, I aslo had a starbucks yesterday but from Wilmslow in Cheshire not the Premium Mall in sunny Florida!!
Keep us posted!
[/quote]
Hello !!That really is an awful photo but that's what my world looked like at the end of that night !! Saying that, this morning wasn't much better !! Julie R, we had a barbeque last night and drank Moet...yummy. Anyway, Fozzie and I have worked out we have one big thing in common....we love beer[:p][:p]
So Does Julie's husband Terri, poor Julie had to drive[V] Anyeway, having lots of fun shopping all day and spending too much money but hey, life's too short to worry. I'm off to enjoy another Budweiser[msntongue][msntongue][msntongue]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Floridalover
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
We sat and chatted all night and had quite a few budweisers, the only margarita that I got was the one in the picture!., we had a good night (it was just the morning that was the problem ).
I opened the bank account this morning with SunTrust in Celebration, its a real doddle to do it in person, went to Premium Mall (Starbucks) then popped in to see how my house is coming along (its ahead of schedule so it could be ready for xmas!), prices are just crazy there, they now want $40k more than I payed (thats in just 6 weeks!!!) - Also met up with Julie and Terry this afternoon at Matt's house who are really nice; we could have chatted all afternoon; We're then meeting up again tomorrow for a BBQ to celebrate Matt's house closure. - but still struggling to find new material for this thread!.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fozzie
Welldone you two!! Julie (Esprit) says the photo does not look like either of you???
Glad its all going well, I aslo had a starbucks yesterday but from Wilmslow in Cheshire not the Premium Mall in sunny Florida!!
Keep us posted!
[/quote]
Hello !!That really is an awful photo but that's what my world looked like at the end of that night !! Saying that, this morning wasn't much better !! Julie R, we had a barbeque last night and drank Moet...yummy. Anyway, Fozzie and I have worked out we have one big thing in common....we love beer[:p][:p]
So Does Julie's husband Terri, poor Julie had to drive[V] Anyeway, having lots of fun shopping all day and spending too much money but hey, life's too short to worry. I'm off to enjoy another Budweiser[msntongue][msntongue][msntongue]
[/quote]
Hi Matt,
Glad its all going so well and that you enjoyed some bubbly!!
Keep us up to date!!
[:I]
What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
*Orange, of course.
:D:D:D:D
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004422163043_planeflush.gif
TeeHee!![:I]
This was taken somewhere in the Australian Outback.* I can't even begin to guess the meaning behind this....too much effort for this not to have some meaning.....
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004422163548_outbackplanes.jpg
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004422164054_airplanesfighterjetsmate.jpg
Really struggling to find material now!!!
[msnwink]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Really struggling to find material now!!!
[msnwink]
[/quote]
I'll have to wait till I get back to the UK, got one or two more to go yet, then I'm completely out.:(. - just need to think of a couple of quotes to go with them.:)
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/Julie R/2004422163548_outbackplanes.jpg
[/quote]
Rumours confirmed as testing begins for new Disney Stunt Plane simulator...?
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by mikewj
I'm just waiting for this ride to go live [msnsmile2][msnsmile2]
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/mikewj/200442016503_pic6.jpg
[/quote]
Its even better on Water !!
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004427181220_waterski.jpg
Julie,
Does this go on the inside of the Cabin crews door?
http://www.orlando-guide.info/forums/Data/fozzie/2004427181534_pullu.jpg
:D:D
Fozzie,
I like it!!
Mad busy at the moment and for the next Month - loads going on but will get back to researching soooooooon!!!
[8D]
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Fozzie,
I like it!!
Mad busy at the moment and for the next Month - loads going on but will get back to researching soooooooon!!!
[8D]
[/quote]
For me as well, having too many trips to Florida doesnt help (despite them being work!!)
Keep up the good work, I'll keep posting when I can, take care :)
Just a few for you :-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pilot: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants
in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a pregnant flight attendant? Pilot error...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between God and pilots?
God doesn't think he's a pilot
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If God had meant man to fly, he would have given him more money.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------:D
mr flibble
28-04-2004, 23:10
Hi:)
Why can`t Penguins fly ?
answer: With this suit on I`m bound to get an upgrade[msnwink]
Ian
Ok everyone this thread has been neglected big time while I have been absent and as I see we have lots of newbies maybe we can get some additional material coming in??
Chicken or beef?
John Boy
07-06-2004, 15:29
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Julie R
Ok everyone this thread has been neglected big time while I have been absent and as I see we have lots of newbies maybe we can get some additional material coming in??
Chicken or beef?
[/quote]
Hi Julie I have just spent all the morning reading through this thread when I should have been working all the calls I have had this morning have been going away with a quote in their ear from one or more of the jokes. Just brilliant
I must work now but will research some material because I agree too good a thread for it to go stale.
John Boy