ravtino
06-10-2006, 20:50
I have just been sent thesse.
From:
>Warning!! These are groaners.
>
> Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
>blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or
>the
>moon?"
> The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
>Florida?????"
>
>CAR TROUBLE
> A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
>died.
> After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
> She says, "What's the story?"
> He replies, "Just [bad language filtered out] in the carburetor"
> She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
>
>SPEEDING TICKET
> A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
>if
>he could see her license.
> She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
>Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
>show
>it to
>you!"
>
>RIVER WALK
> There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
>another blonde
>on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other
>side?"
> The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
>back, "You
>ARE on the other side."
>
>AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
> A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that
>her
>body
>hurt wherever she touched it.
> "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
>The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then
>she
>pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
>likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her
>scream.
> The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
> "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
> "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
>
>KNITTING
> A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
>Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
>wheel was knitting!
> Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the
>trooper
>cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
> "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
>
>BLONDE ON THE SUN
> A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
>said, "We were the first in space!"
> The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
> The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
> The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
>heads.
>"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
> To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
>at
>night!"
>
>IN A VACUUM
> A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
>rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If
>you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
> She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
>
>FINALLY.........
> A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
>and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that
>one
>was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
> Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
>"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
From:
>Warning!! These are groaners.
>
> Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
>blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or
>the
>moon?"
> The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
>Florida?????"
>
>CAR TROUBLE
> A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
>died.
> After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
> She says, "What's the story?"
> He replies, "Just [bad language filtered out] in the carburetor"
> She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
>
>SPEEDING TICKET
> A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
>if
>he could see her license.
> She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
>Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
>show
>it to
>you!"
>
>RIVER WALK
> There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
>another blonde
>on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other
>side?"
> The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
>back, "You
>ARE on the other side."
>
>AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
> A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that
>her
>body
>hurt wherever she touched it.
> "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
>The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then
>she
>pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
>likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her
>scream.
> The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
> "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
> "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
>
>KNITTING
> A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
>Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
>wheel was knitting!
> Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the
>trooper
>cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
> "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
>
>BLONDE ON THE SUN
> A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
>said, "We were the first in space!"
> The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
> The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
> The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
>heads.
>"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
> To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
>at
>night!"
>
>IN A VACUUM
> A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
>rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If
>you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
> She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
>
>FINALLY.........
> A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
>and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that
>one
>was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
> Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
>"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"