smiler
03-04-2006, 00:39
> God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things.
> Right now, I'm so far behind..I'll never die.
>
>
> Two women are chatting.
> "So, you still haven't gotten remarried?"
> "What in the world for? I've got all I need in a husband right at > home.
> A parakeet that always repeats the same thing,
> A dog that growls for no particular reason
> And a cat that spends every night out on the prowl.
>
>
> An English teacher wrote these words on the blackboard.
> "Woman without her man is nothing"
> The students were directed to punctuate it correctly.
> The young men wrote ...
> "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
> The young women wrote ...
> "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
>
>
> A guy enters a bar where the only other patron is a seal
> sitting at the far end of the room.
> After a few minutes, the seal shouts to the man, "I like the way you
> smell."
> Confused, the man ignores the compliment.
> A few minutes later the seal shouts, "You've got a great haircut."
> The man continues to ignore the seal, but every few minutes it > yells out another compliment.
> Finally, the patron turns to the bartender, "What's with the > animal?" he asks.
> "That's our seal of approval," the bartender replies.
>
>
> Noted at the bottom of a receipt for funeral arrangements:
> "Thank you. Please come again."
>
>
> A business man was interviewing applicants. He devised a > simple test to select the most suitable person for the job.
> He asked each one the question, "What is two and two?"
> The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "22".
> The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer > but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question."
> The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and
> showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.
> The last applicant was an accountant, who got up from his chair, > went over to the door, closed it, then came back and sat down. He > leaned across the desk and said in a low voice,
> "How much do you want it to be?"
>
>
> Those who travel the high road of humility are not troubled by heavy
> traffic.
>
>
> Right now, I'm so far behind..I'll never die.
>
>
> Two women are chatting.
> "So, you still haven't gotten remarried?"
> "What in the world for? I've got all I need in a husband right at > home.
> A parakeet that always repeats the same thing,
> A dog that growls for no particular reason
> And a cat that spends every night out on the prowl.
>
>
> An English teacher wrote these words on the blackboard.
> "Woman without her man is nothing"
> The students were directed to punctuate it correctly.
> The young men wrote ...
> "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
> The young women wrote ...
> "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
>
>
> A guy enters a bar where the only other patron is a seal
> sitting at the far end of the room.
> After a few minutes, the seal shouts to the man, "I like the way you
> smell."
> Confused, the man ignores the compliment.
> A few minutes later the seal shouts, "You've got a great haircut."
> The man continues to ignore the seal, but every few minutes it > yells out another compliment.
> Finally, the patron turns to the bartender, "What's with the > animal?" he asks.
> "That's our seal of approval," the bartender replies.
>
>
> Noted at the bottom of a receipt for funeral arrangements:
> "Thank you. Please come again."
>
>
> A business man was interviewing applicants. He devised a > simple test to select the most suitable person for the job.
> He asked each one the question, "What is two and two?"
> The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "22".
> The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer > but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question."
> The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and
> showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.
> The last applicant was an accountant, who got up from his chair, > went over to the door, closed it, then came back and sat down. He > leaned across the desk and said in a low voice,
> "How much do you want it to be?"
>
>
> Those who travel the high road of humility are not troubled by heavy
> traffic.
>
>