chrizzy100
17-04-2005, 21:26
>Here are the 10 first place winners in the
> International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
> raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
> "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per
> passenger."
>
> 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
> turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
>
> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
> they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it
> sank, proving once again that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it too.
>
> 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
> electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first
> replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
>
> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
> Novocain during a root canal? His goal: Transcend
> dental medication.
>
> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
> and were standing in the lobby discussing their
> recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
> the manager came out of the office and asked them to
> disperse.
>
> "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
> "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts
> boasting in an open foyer."
>
> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
> One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
> "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
> name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
> of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
> picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
> also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
> "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
> Ahmal."
>
> 8. These friars were behind on their belfry
> payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
> raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
> from the men of God, a rival florist across town
> thought the competition was unfair. He asked the
> good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
> went back and begged the friars to close. They
> ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
> MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
> town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the
> friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
> if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
> so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
> florist friars.
>
> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
> of the time, which produced an impressive set of
> calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
> which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
> he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh,
> man, this is so bad, it's good).....A super
> calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
>
> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
> different puns to his friends, with the hope that at
> least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun
> in ten did.
> International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
> raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
> "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per
> passenger."
>
> 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
> turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
>
> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
> they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it
> sank, proving once again that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it too.
>
> 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
> electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first
> replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
>
> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
> Novocain during a root canal? His goal: Transcend
> dental medication.
>
> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
> and were standing in the lobby discussing their
> recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
> the manager came out of the office and asked them to
> disperse.
>
> "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
> "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts
> boasting in an open foyer."
>
> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
> One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
> "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
> name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
> of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
> picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
> also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
> "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
> Ahmal."
>
> 8. These friars were behind on their belfry
> payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
> raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
> from the men of God, a rival florist across town
> thought the competition was unfair. He asked the
> good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
> went back and begged the friars to close. They
> ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
> MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
> town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the
> friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
> if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
> so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
> florist friars.
>
> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
> of the time, which produced an impressive set of
> calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
> which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
> he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh,
> man, this is so bad, it's good).....A super
> calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
>
> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
> different puns to his friends, with the hope that at
> least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun
> in ten did.