View Full Version : Friday night humour
MaggieAllan
29-01-2005, 02:51
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the
wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.
13 Things PMS Stands For
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
And the favourite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and men who need a warning.
Ray&Sarah
29-01-2005, 03:05
LOL Maggie love it!:D[msnsmile2]
LiesaAnna
29-01-2005, 03:41
[clap][clap]
go girl!!!! nice one maggie!
chunkichik
29-01-2005, 04:16
Pack my stuff definately, v. funny maggie!! lmao
ctgirlscout
29-01-2005, 04:27
LOL!
linda allen
29-01-2005, 11:38
My husband will love this.:D:D:D
Michele L
29-01-2005, 12:23
Very good and dare I say true!
but as we all know, men just need that little bit of training to say any of the 2nd, 3rd or 4th answers.
Michele
E. Cosgrove
29-01-2005, 13:32
HOW DARE YOU MAKE JOKES ABOUT ME!!!![msnmad][msnmad][msnmad][msnmad]
From Paula Marie Southwood
Sharon G
29-01-2005, 15:19
Brilliant Maggie!!!
Love what PMS stands for....
...my favourite is PASS MY SHOTGUN !!![msnoo][msnoo][msneek]
Sharon
Nostromo
29-01-2005, 15:41
Some researchers (mostly women) announced a few years ago that while nearly 70% of Western women claimed to suffer from "PMS" at some point in their lives, less than 5% actually had the true clinical picture of the condition. And contrary to popular belief, it was not the busy, carrer women who mostly claimed to have the problem but 'Hausfrau' types who had too much time on their hands. (These are NOT my quotes). Best of all, blind trials repeatedly showed that placebos worked just as well (often better!) than expensive hormonal and other treatments.
Very good. Love it. Chloe
I used to be practically physchotic (probably splelt wrong) every month, then about seven years ago I started Thyroxine and a year later had a hysterectomy and since then I have been (almost) a lovely person to live with. Even the children say so.
So in my case PMS stood for Physchotic mother Syndrome:([}:)][B)][xx(][:O][msncry][msnmad]
But I'm better now[}:)][angel][laugh]
Kaz
Still not packed.
I was, then had to unpack because I can't fit everything in, put it back and got yet another case, Johns' going to go mad.[laugh][laugh]
[laugh][laugh][laugh][clap][clap] Love it!!!
MaggieAllan
30-01-2005, 10:30
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by Nostromo
Some researchers (mostly women) announced a few years ago that while nearly 70% of Western women claimed to suffer from "PMS" at some point in their lives, less than 5% actually had the true clinical picture of the condition. And contrary to popular belief, it was not the busy, carrer women who mostly claimed to have the problem but 'Hausfrau' types who had too much time on their hands. (These are NOT my quotes). Best of all, blind trials repeatedly showed that placebos worked just as well (often better!) than expensive hormonal and other treatments.
[/quote]
Nostromo.....I don't think many men would agree!!!! I tell you what, you have the monthlys for me and do another trial[msntongue]
Why do you think us Hausfraus spend so much time on here...taking our minds off it!!!!
Nostromo
30-01-2005, 12:20
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by MaggieAllan
Originally posted by Nostromo
Nostromo.....I don't think many men would agree!!!! Why do you think us Hausfraus spend so much time on here...taking our minds off it!!!!
Maybe, but it depends on the approach those men took. The wife started to complain of PMS soon after she hit 30 back in 1987 and we quickly agreed on a 'mutual quiet co-operation' during the time. I didn't mind that, but any attempts at unreasonable tantrums and I would have given her plenty of chocolate allright - a whole bottle of the sauce on top of her head - and left her to clean up the mess afterwards! Make no mistake about it, the 'men who disagree' need more determination, thats all.
I have two daughters to contend with now, and I can see, hear and feel the changes coming on at that time, I warn them in advance because, I notice before they do..Women do not always realise they are behaving any differently.
My mum and mother-in-law had no symptoms what so ever and cannot understand it.
Men, do not under estimate the hormanal changes it is out of womens control and 99% say they would much rather it didn't happen (Women that is). If the women is aware of this Nostromo, don't you think they would do everything in their power not to become 'THE MONSTER 'once a month?
It is horrible and uncontrolable most of the time.:(
Kaz
Nostromo
30-01-2005, 13:17
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by KJH
If the women is aware of this Nostromo, don't you think they would do everything in their power not to become 'THE MONSTER 'once a month?
It is horrible and uncontrolable most of the time.:(
Kaz
[/quote]
With all due respect Kaz, I want to point out that I am trained to recognize true psychotic symptoms. The so called 'dangerous' Permentrual symptoms are categorised as PMDD (Premenstual Dysphoric Disorder), which is actually very rare and often associated with pre-existing depression or other mental health problems. The moderate mood swings and other symtoms associated with the normal hormonal changes during the 'cycle' have been bedevilled so much by the media and frivilous publications over past few decades that many women psyche themselves into believing they have -or going to have - "PMS". The result is a hypersensitive state of mind as that time approaches and this, combined with the aforementioned normal changes, quickly lead to the well recognized 'monthly monster' or whatever you choose to call yourself. The victim is usually the other half, because 'he is there and can take it'. Have you asked yourself why most women suffering from PMS take it out on their sposes/partners but seldom on their male colleagues, with whom they spend almost as many waking hours and where there is a greater chance of provocation? I think you know the answer.
You'll be surprised to know how well a bit of clear conselling and explanation to the patient (and sometimes the partner) works. Some of the prescribed hormone treatments like Danazol have side effects like excessive hair growth and 'masculinization' - I am sure none of the ladies want that. There is little evidence to suggest that Vitamin B6, Evening Primrose Oil and similar treatments work by anything other than their placebo effect.
As for the men, it is true that some of them can show lack of understanding, but the percentage in my experience is small. On the contrary, I have seen too many cases of Maggie's "Hormone Hostage" where some women insist on making an issue of the 'PMS' and unreasonable demands are placed or expected of the other half. That certainly is not on and not many men these days will swallow it - I certainly would not. All it needs it a bit of understanding and mutual co-operation from both parties and things usually work out fine.
John Rocke
08-02-2005, 22:31
Things I have learned:
WORDS WOMEN USE (LEARN THEM WELL!!)
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
"Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're
welcome.
j rocke.
Ray&Sarah
08-02-2005, 23:24
Very funny John. Have heard them before but funny nonetheless.[msnsmile]