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chris c
23-12-2004, 01:12
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
**************************************

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
**************************************

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q:And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
*************************************

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A:Forty-five years.
*************************************

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
Q: And why did that upset you?
A:My name is Susan.
**************************************

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
***********************************

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
*************************************

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
**************************************

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time? **************************************

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
**************************************

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated? **************************************

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
**************************************

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. **************************************

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
**************************************

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
**************************************

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No,he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
**************************************

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
**************************************

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

benfilo
23-12-2004, 02:19
thanks Christine[msnsmile2][msnsmile2][msnsmile2]

Sally D
23-12-2004, 03:16
I thought these were great.:D:D:D
My daughter and I could not stop laughing, I had tears rolling down may face.

floridadreamvilla.co.uk
23-12-2004, 03:43
I really enjoyed these too :D:D:D

LiesaAnna
23-12-2004, 03:59
very funny!!!! laughed alot!

Fletch
23-12-2004, 17:11
Brilliant. Thanks for that - I needed some light relief from all the Christmas preparations [laugh][laugh][laugh]

jolliffee
24-12-2004, 17:34
They are very good, needed that laf![msnsmile2]

mollymoo
24-12-2004, 19:33
Excellent, Where did you get the book, might have to get it!!!!!!!!

Kerry-Ann[msnsmile2]

Cruella DeVilla
12-01-2005, 16:43
<blockquote id="quote" class="ffs">quote:Originally posted by chris c
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
**************************************

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
**************************************

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q:And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
*************************************

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A:Forty-five years.
*************************************

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A:My name is Susan.
**************************************

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
***********************************

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
*************************************

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
**************************************

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time? **************************************

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
**************************************

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated? **************************************

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
**************************************

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. **************************************

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
**************************************

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
**************************************

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No,he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
**************************************

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
**************************************

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


[/quote]

Just caught up with this one, I have seen it before but it stil makes me laugh!:D

Nostromo
12-01-2005, 18:13
Brilliant! I liked the two autopsy ones best.

If British courts are better, you should listen to Ambulance Control. They insist on asking questions mentioned in their protocol even if common sense dictates otherwise. Thus, questions like "Is the patient answering all your questions coherently?" when I have just rang 999 for a collapsed, unconcious man, are all too common.

daxon
12-01-2005, 19:00
only just seen this - hysterical!!![clap][clap][clap]

porky
12-01-2005, 20:08
On a similar note - well idiots anyway, here is an email I got from a friend the other day.

More IDIOT Sightings


IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.


**********


IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.


**********


IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."


**********


IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"


**********


IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.


**********


IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.


**********


IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an car dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

They walk among us..............scary!!

LiesaAnna
12-01-2005, 20:15
[clap][clap][clap]very good!!!!!

Ray&Sarah
12-01-2005, 22:20
LOL, great!:D[clap]

Chloe
13-01-2005, 02:09
More pleeeeeeeese. Chloe

Kissyme
13-01-2005, 10:12
It takes all sorts does`nt, it very funny