View Full Version : CHRISTMAS JOKES
And a little light entertainment for those of us chasing our tails at this time of the year:
Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can Hoe, Hoe, Hoe.
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
Doctor, Doctor, I'm scared of Father Christmas. Don't worry, you're just suffering from CLAUStrophobia.
Christmas, the time when everyone gets Santamental.
bellaepovera
11-12-2002, 17:23
Brava!! My 11 year old son loved em!!
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ?
Santa Clues !
Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck !
What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?
Freeze a jolly good fellow !
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?
Santapplause !
Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?
Santa Jaws !
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe !
Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?
Because they both have "Sandy claws" !
What does Father Christmas call his money ?
Iced lolly ?
What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ?
Santa pause !
This is not a joke, but it's a funny conversation I overheard yesterday while waiting in line at the post office:
Woman to Clerk: What kind of Christmas stamps do you have?
Clerk: The only kind we have right now are the "Madonna" ones
Woman: How'd that slut get on a Christmas stamp?
Clerk: Uhhh Mam, I don't think we're talking about the same person here
Stuart, that's a classic. I'd loved to have been in line to hear that one.
What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
Mule-tide greetings.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !
How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !
What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !
Who delivers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !
Who delivers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !
How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !
Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because he's Sooty !
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?
This one will sleigh you !
Father Christmas took his sleigh driving test. A pixie asked if he had passed? "Of course", said Father Christmas pointing to the front of his sleigh, "look NO EL plates".
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
floridadreamvilla.co.uk
19-12-2002, 01:48
Brilliant Fiona - keep them coming.
You must be getting through a lot of packs of Christmas crackers to get all those jokes:D:D:D.
Can you believe most of them are coming from a gardening website??
Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?
Because they are both tail bearers !
Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs !
Why did the reindeer wear black boots ?
Because his brown ones were all muddy !
How long should a reindeer's legs be ?
Just long enough to reach the ground !
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach ?
Because he didn't want to be recognised !
Which reindeer have the shortest legs ?
The smallest ones !
Where do you find reindeer ?
It depends on where you leave them !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who ?
Wenceslas train home ?
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Snow
Snow who ?
Snow business like show business !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wayne
Wayne who ?
Wayne in a manger... !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Donut
Donut who ?
Donut open till Christmas !
floridadreamvilla.co.uk
21-12-2002, 13:19
What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itis!!!
Sarah