View Full Version : women over 40!
traceya89
16-11-2004, 23:10
A JOKE I GOT AT WORK!!!
APPROPRIATE IF YOU ARE A WOMAN OVER 40!
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. . For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a
fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress
traceya89
16-11-2004, 23:14
ANOTHER BIT OF INTERESTING INFORMATION!!!!!
The most destructive habit..........................................Wor ry
The greatest Joy............................................... ...........Giving
The greatest loss.............................................. ..........Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work...........................................Hel ping others
The ugliest personality trait.......................................Selfis hness
The most endangered species....................................Dedicat ed leaders
Our greatest natural resource.....................................Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"....................................Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.............................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill..................................Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease.............................Excuses
The most powerful force in life...................................Love
The most dangerous pariah.......................................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer.......................The brain
The worst thing to be without.... ..............................Hope
The deadliest weapon............................................ ...The tongue
The two most power-filled words................................"I Can"
The greatest asset............................................. .........Faith
The most worthless emotion......................................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire...........................................S MILE!
The most prized possession......................................In tegrity
The most powerful channel of communication..........Prayer
The most contagious spirit.........................................Ent husiasm
finishrich
17-11-2004, 02:42
Here's another funny one a friend emailed me:
A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the Manager. She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The Manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The Manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41. The Manager says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicel! y, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"
The blonde replies...
"Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
A smart blonde joke at last!
traceya89
17-11-2004, 02:56
should we have a joke forum???? i work in a hospital and the number of joke emails that go round the health service is unbelievable. (dont tell tony blair)
The 1st joke of Xmas
>
>Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter
at the
pearly
>gates.
>
>"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must
each
possess
>something that symbolizes Christmas to get into
heaven."
>
>The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a
lighter.
He
>flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
>You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
>
>The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set
of keys.
>He shook them and said, "They're bells". Saint Peter said
you may
pass
>through the pearly gates.
>
>The third man started searching desperately through his
pockets and
finally
>pulled out a pair of women's panties.
>St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and
asked, "And
just
what
>do those symbolize?"[:I]
>The man replied, "They're Carols".
:D:D
traceya89
17-11-2004, 05:48
like that one. have sent it to myself at work so it can go round the hospital!!!
Here's one that was emailed to me a few years back (BTW I think a joke forum would be a great idea)
If you know the Bible - even a little - you'll find this hilarious!--I HOPE!
It comes from a Catholic elementary school; kids were asked questions about
the Old & New Testaments.
The following statements about the Bible were written by the children; they
have not been retouched or corrected (i.e. incorrect spelling has been left in.)
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built an ark, which the animals come on in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which
is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the
Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they
do one to you.
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
St.Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is
another name for marriage.
Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the
courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me".